Finding your "Purpose"

Finding one's "purpose" is a personal value that seems to cross cultures. Akin to finding one's calling, there is this idea that each of us may discover a singularly meaningful occupation into which we were meant to pour our skills, talents and energy.  We search for this, often elusive, purpose while putting out life's unexpected fires, absorbing losses, and managing relationships. Upon reaching middle age, I have concluded that, at least for this person, there should not be a single purpose in life. 

Rather than making me feel like a lost and aimless wanderer, this realization has freed my creative spirit. I sought to ground myself in my 20’s as a teacher, feeling that my calling as an artist was to inspire others to embrace the discipline. For a while, this was absolutely true. I was driven by that cliche fire and passion that so many educators possess. I had discovered an obscure and fascinating world in the history of art and I lived for the joy of revealing that space to my students. My creative outlet was in teaching, experimenting with all of the ways I could bring out a student’s passion for the curriculum content. 

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As that career wore on and I eventually became a wife and mother, I began to see more of the difficult truths in the world around me. Often it felt like my colleagues and community were living with their heads in the sand, ignoring the huge issues we face as a modern society. This is around the time I began the social experiment that became known as “One Outfit 100 Days”. I took it upon myself to use my public position to do something very small, but very radical, to bring attention to some of these bigger issues for the people around me. I purchased a fair trade, practical dress and set out to wear it to work on repeat for 100 days. The idea here was that I could push people to consider our nonsensical cultural obsession with fast fashion, as well as the environmental and human exploitation that goes along with it. As one might imagine, this elicited some talk. In fact, the project went viral on social media and I spoke about it on Good Morning America and other national outlets. My administrators and some colleagues were a bit taken aback and I found myself navigating some uncomfortable meetings. Looking back, I think this was a turning point for me in terms of “my purpose”. I began to realize I could, and perhaps should, begin to make an impact in spaces outside of the classroom. 

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This is around the same time I decided to train as a labor doula. Rather than sign up for training here in NJ, I flew to Uganda and trained at a non-profit birth center called Shanti Uganda. I met people from all walks of life in Africa who represented the kind of person I felt called to become. They were love-centered and courageous.They didn’t shy away from taking risks, they followed their hearts, and they inspired the people around them with their passion and love for their fellow humans. If anything has become my life’s purpose, it is to become this type of person. 

Back home in New Jersey, I worked part time as a labor doula. I used to be scared of hospitals. I used to be uncomfortable hugging friends and strangers alike. I thought I was just an artist and a teacher and that I belonged in no other professional spaces. All of these personal limitations were eliminated through my work as a doula.

It was doula work that brought me to Guatemala. I came on a retreat to learn about local birth practices, and cultural perspectives on death. Again, I was surrounded by brave, inspiring women and it was during this time and our work together that I began to face the truth - teaching was holding me back from a purpose that had undoubtedly morphed into something new. 

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I returned home and about a month later my sister-in-law alerted me to the sale of a business called “My Fair Trade Lady”. The owner, a former archaeologist, was retiring from the world of fair trade. We connected, I gave it some thought, and three months later I had resigned from teaching and was the owner of a fair trade retail shop. Since then, I’ve traveled around the world to connect with fair trade organizations, brought customers to meet these makers in their own villages, and worked to educate my own local community about the importance of fair trade.

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These days I am also leaning into my own life as a professional artist, painting live at events, working as a commission artist, and selling my work wholesale to other retailers. When I paint plein air at an event in front of others, I feel the same fire inside that I felt as a teacher when I inspired my students to value the arts. When I capture a moment from a wedding on canvas, I feel the same fire that I felt as a doula when I accompanied a woman through her transition into motherhood. When I’m able to buy fair trade for my shop and empower a woman to use her weaving skills to make a living, I feel the joy of sharing my own bliss in paying the bills as an artist. 

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On the surface, my purpose has evolved into a variety of occupations over the years. It is perhaps a path we must be open to following, rather than a singular purpose. Allowing my own path to unfold has required an open mind and a willingness to show up for things, even when I wasn't sure why I was doing it yet. At the end of the day I believe I’m here to let my creative passions flow into the spaces they are pulled toward, without getting derailed by fear and insecurities.